I Can't
by akakawaii
Summary: Yuri can't. About his skating career, he can't. About everything that's happened since meeting Viktor in real life, he can't. About various things about Viktor, he can't. Follows the plot of the anime with some other parts that I'll add in.
1. I can't face him

**(A/N: Yes, I know this is yet another story that I'm gonna have trouble keeping up with, but it's been at my mind nagging at me for the last 72 hours so I just had to write it. I do know that some things are a little bit different from the anime, but I will keep the gist of it the same other than the parts I'm adding in. But then again, this is fanfiction so I get to do what I want to here. I do not own Yuri On Ice; I am just a fan who likes the series as much as everyone else here. Anyway, happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy!)**

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Chapter One

"I can't face him."

~I Can't~

Viktor Nikiforov. He was my idol. I'd idolized him since I was a kid. I couldn't count how many posters of him I had in my room. I watched all of his performances. I longed to skate as well as him. I knew it'd just be a distant dream, though. Like, seriously, how could _I_ ever be as good as him?

So when the day came that I made it to the Grand Prix, I was ecstatic. I trained so hard for it with Phichit-kun and everyone in Detroit. But I failed. I messed up so badly. I'm sure that Celestino would never even want me back as a student.

I took off my glasses and swiped at the tears stinging my eyes. Honestly, why do I always do this? I always mess up when it counts the most. And here I am crying about it in a bathroom stall. I'm so pathetic. I don't even know how long I've been in here sobbing since I ended my call with Mom.

Someone banged on the stall door, startling me. I quickly composed myself the best I could then walked out adjusting my glasses. I muttered out an apology, my eyes glued to the floor, hoping that the person wouldn't notice my red eyes.

"Hey."

I turned around to face the person. He glared at me murderously. Though he was shorter than me, he was way more terrifying than I could ever be with his blond hair framing his face under his hood. He suddenly ran at me like he was gonna tackle me so I backed up until I could no more. He had me against the wall, keeping me there with a foot. When he stomped it down by my head, I really did think he was gonna kick me.

"Quit skating," he said.

I looked at him, surprised. "What?"

"Quit skating. You suck," he sneered.

At second glance, I realized this was Yuri Plisetsky. Also known as 'The Russian Punk.' The fifteen-year-old that was so talented he was expected to become the next Viktor.

"I'm entering the Senior Division next season." His glare never stopped piercing through me. Frightened by a boy eight years younger than me. Seriously, I am pathetic as always, aren't I? "We don't need two Yuri's," he growled before walking away.

I sighed. He's right. Maybe I should quit. I walked out of the bathroom, clutching my phone inside my pocket. I found Celestino outside where all the other skaters had gathered.

"Yuri! Where have you been?" he asked, a consoling smile on his face.

"Bathroom."

He talked of what our next game plan would be, but I ended up zoning out. I could barely pay attention as I drowned in my ocean of self-loathing. My eyes wandered to the other Yuri who stood not too far away with his coach, Yakov, who was also Viktor's coach.

Then the beautiful human known as Viktor Nikiforov walks up to them smiling. He won first. It's expected. He's the freaking best in the skating biz. I wish the same could be said of me, but like that's gonna happen. And he turns to the side and notices me staring.

"Oh, a commemorative photo?" he said, that attractive smile adorning his face.

I ended up staring at Viktor's puzzled-at-my-silence face for a good few seconds before turning around.

At that moment, I felt utter humiliation laced with traced with self-hatred to accent the animosity that already existed towards myself. I wanted to stand next to him on the podium at the very least. But I failed. I placed _last_. Who was I to think I could ever do that well? Who was I to think I could ever live my dream? Who was I to think I could stand next to _the_ Viktor Nikiforov?

I can't face him.

And so, I left the building, not speaking a word to anyone.


	2. I can't believe this

**(A/N: I'm back with another chapter of _I Can't_! Haha, I love Thanksgiving break. Anyway, thanks for those who followed, favorited, and reviewed! Enjoy!)**

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Chapter Two

"I can't believe this."

~I Can't~

After the crushing defeat of the Grand Prix, everything else in my skating career went downhill. I graduated from my college in Detroit then decided to go home. I haven't talked to Celestino since. Out of my rink mates, the only one I've really kept in touch with was Phichit-kun since we were roommates.

I walked out of the station, sighing. I caught sight of a whole line of posters of me that someone had put up. I looked down so I didn't have to see what reminded me of the recent bitterness. Everyone in Hasetsu had made an effort to support me after finding out that I'd made it as a pro skater, but I'd let them down. I didn't make it as far as they'd hoped.

"Yuri!"

I looked up to see my ballet teacher. "Minako-sensei!" I waved at her, smiling.

Her eyes narrowed as she examined me. "Have you gained weight?"

"Ehh?" I chuckled nervously. "Of course I haven't! What are you talking about?" I scratched the back of my head.

She gasped. "Oh, my god, you have!" She slapped my belly. "This is not the weight of a skater!"

"Haha, well…" Okay, I admit I did gain a bit of weight.

Minako-sensei sighed. "You always did gain weight easily."

Someone behind us gasped loudly. "It's Katsuki Yuri!" I turned around to find a kid pointing at me. He held out a notebook and pencil. "Can I have your autograph?!" He looked so happy to see me even though I had no idea who he was that I felt sorry for being such a disappointment.

"Uh… Well…"

"Yuri, be kind to your fans!" Minako-sensei scolded.

I smiled at the kid. "Sure."

"Yes!" He beamed when I took his notebook from him and reluctantly signed my name. I handed it back to him. "Thank you!"

"Don't mention it."

The kid ran back to his grandpa. I shook hands with a few people who asked for it on the way out.

Minako-sensei smiled. "Well, let's go home. Everyone's dying to see you."

I sighed. Hopefully, they won't bring up how my nerves destroyed my performance. But then again, it's no use to keep dwelling on it.

~I Can't~

"Yo, we're here!" Minako-sensei yelled. She ran in and plopped herself down at the table in front of the TV.

"Yuri's back!" Dad yelled.

I heard footsteps running toward the door while I took off my shoes.

"Yuri…" Mom was teary-eyed behind her glasses when I saw her.

"I'm home," I said, giving her a weak smile. It wasn't like I wasn't happy to see her. I was just sad I didn't meet her expectations. They even prepared a whole 'Welcome back, Yuri!' sign. How was I supposed to respond to that?

She hugged me tightly. "Welcome back." One thing's for sure. I did miss her the five years I was gone. "Come in, come in!" she said pulling me in.

"Sorry I didn't visit. I wasn't even here when Vicchan died."

"Nah, it's fine. You can pay your respects now. Sorry I couldn't make it to your graduation," she said, smiling. "You must be tired after your trip. Go take a bath, Yuri! I'll have some food ready for you afterwards."

I nodded then lugged my suitcase to my room, but not before kneeling before the small shrine with Vicchan's picture. When I slid open the door, I found that my room was still intact. No one had really touched anything or cleaned it out except for the bedsheets that were changed and the dust that had been collected over the past five years but probably just dusted away since I told them I was coming back, which I was grateful for. I flopped onto my bed and looked around. All the posters of Viktor were left intact, as well.

My mind wandered back to the brief memory I had when he actually spoke to me. He really did look exactly like the poster. I shook my head. What am I thinking? Of course he does. He's still him. It's not like he's a different person when he's on camera. Well, then again, it's not like I really know him, anyway.

I grabbed a robe and went to the baths. The moment I got in, peace seemed to wash over me. It was great. And what was even better was that when I finished and went back to the living room, there was a hot bowl of katsudon waiting for me. I should be watching my weight, but I'm still undecided on if I should continue skating or not. Speaking of skating, Minako-sensei was watching the Grand Prix finals. There was news abut Yuri Plisetsky's upcoming senior debut and Viktor's career. There was word that he was retiring soon. Anyway, when I finished my katsudon, I changed and headed out to go see Yuko-san at Ice Castle Hasetsu.

The walk there was chilly, but I was dressed in a whole bunch of layers. When I entered, I found her cleaning the rental skates.

"Sorry, we're closed right now," she said, her back to me. Her face lit up when she turned around and realized who I was. "Yuri-kun!"

I scratched my head. "It's been a while, Yuko-san." She's still as cute as I remember.

"What's with the 'Yuko-san'?! Calle me 'Yu-chan'! It's not like you've become a stranger!"

"Okay, okay, Yu-chan!"

She gave me a thumbs up. "You're here to skate, right? I'll protect you!" she said, grinning. I was happy the part of her that was still protective of me was still there, but I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

I chuckled. "I have something I wanna show you." We went to the rink. I put on my skates, took off my coat, and gave her my glasses before sliding onto the ice. "I've ben working on this since I lost the Grand Prix."

I got into position then started the routine. It was pretty difficult—it was _Viktor's_ routine, after all—but I had been working on it for a pretty long time. I glided across the ice, preforming the choreography for Yu-chan as the music played off of my phone. She was the one who introduced me to Viktor in the first place. I was planning to do this routine not only to get over my failure and improve my skating skills, but my main reason was as a confession. I've liked Yu-chan for a while, but I never really got the chance to actually tell her so hopefully this would express everything. I finished a Lutz, a Salchow, a toe loop. I closed with a combination spin then struck the finishing pose, facing her as the song ended.

And now's the time. "Um… Yu-chan, I-I've always…"

"Oh, my god!" She applauded. "Yuri-kun! That was amazing! I recognized it from the start! How did you even manage to learn Viktor's choreography?!"

"Practice, I guess?" I said with a sheepish smile. I skated over and took my glasses from her. "I…"

Three heads suddenly popped up in front of Yu-chan over the railing in the spitting image of our other rink mate, Takeshi-kun.

"Wow!"

"It's Katsuki Yuri!"

"That's amazing!"

"Haha, sorry about them. They're skater otaku. You remember the girls, right?" Yu-chan said, smiling.

Right. In the five years I've been gone, they got married and had kids. How did I forget? They even called to let me know. Humiliation came over me yet again. Thank god, they'd appeared before I said anything.

Then I was suddenly caught in a loose headlock. "Yo, Yuri!" a hearty voice said. I already knew who it was. "Welcome back!"

"Haha, thanks, Takeshi-kun," I said like everything was fine. I was pretty good at acting that part.

The three Nishikori kids were chattering excitedly. I heard them mention something about Viktor.

Yu-chan sighed. "Honestly, that's where they've taken after me," she said with an exasperated laugh.

"Oi, Yuri," Takeshi-kun said, striking a thinking pose. "Have you gotten fatter?"

I sighed. Here it comes.

He laughed in that hearty way of his. He pulled up my shirt, making my stomach bulge out. "You have! You're even fatter than me now! I guess I can actually call you fatso!"

"Takeshi!" Yu-chan scolded. Still glad her protectiveness of me was there. It made me feel at least a little better about myself. Not that that really mattered, though.

Their kids chimed 'fatso' after Takeshi-kun.

Well, I knew I was in for this the next time I saw him.

~I Can't~

When I got home, I passed Minako-sensei who was drunk in front of the TV (the Grand prix interviews were going on, and Viktor had unsurprisingly won gold again and was talking about what he had planned for next season) and went straight to my room. I glanced at the poster of Viktor that was by the head of my bed then instantly fell asleep. It wasn't even 6:00.

~I Can't~

I groaned and rubbed my eyes. I had no idea what time it was, but someone was calling me. I grabbed my glasses off the nightstand and picked up my vibrating phone. It read 'Nishigori Takeshi'.

"Hello?" I said groggily.

"SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! SOOOORRRRRRRRYYYYYY! SO SORRY, YURI!" he yelled.

"Whaaa?" I had absolutely no idea what this was about.

"My girls secretly recorded you skating yesterday and posted it online!"

"WHAT?!"

I could hear Yu-chan scolding the triplets in the background. "They've taken it down, but it's already gained a couple million views."

"Oh, god…" I sighed. "Whatever, it's fine. It'll fade eventually. People are fickle like that."

"You three better be grateful Yuri-kun is so forgiving!" I heard Yu-chan yell.

"Thank you! I'll make sure they never do it again!" Takeshi-kun said. I pictured him clapping his hands together in apology.

"Mhm, don't mention it."

I hung up and let out an exasperated sigh before putting my glasses back on the nightstand and pulling the blanket over my head in attempt to get back to sleep. But that was made impossible by Minako-sensei. She slid my door open so forcefully a slam could've been heard throughout the whole onsen.

"YURI! WHAT IS THIS?!" she screamed, shoving her phone in my face.

I groaned. "What is it now?" I asked, putting gym glasses back on. Ugh, ALL I wanted to do was SLEEP.

She was playing the video of me skating Viktor's routine that Takeshi-kun had just told me about. "It's being retweeted everywhere!"

"Oh. The Nishikori triplets secretly recorded and posted it. I just got a call form them." I yawned. Geez, that morning light was blinding. It's probably snow. "They already took it down."

"It's a bit too late for that now. It's spread everywhere already. And there's a rumor going around that Viktor's retiri—"

"I heard about that one already. It's a shame. What is he gonna to do no—"

"YURI, YOU LITTLE BRAT, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT INTERRUPTING ME?"

"Sorry."

She cleared her throat. "As I was saying, rumor is he's retiring to become _your_ coach."

I stared at her blankly. "Hahaha… Nice joke, Minako-sensei. There's no way that would happen."

"Don't doubt me, child!" She opened up the latest tweet from Viktor Nikiforov.

 **Viktor Nikiforov**

 **v-nikiforov**

 **"I'm going to Japan to be Katsuki Yuri's coach! So excited! I wonder what kind of surprises he'll show me! o(^▽^)o (Btw, I'm loving this Japanese keyboard!)"**

My eyes went wide. "EHHHH?!" That was something I never saw coming. I scrambled to get up but ended up falling off the bed. I picked myself up. "B-b-but h-how? Whaaaat?"

There was a knock on the door.

"Yuri, come help shovel the snow in the front!" Mom called.

"Okay, coming!" I answered. I turned back to Minako-sensei. "I have no idea what's happening."

"Well, it is just a rumor. We'll give it some time and see if it's true."

I grabbed my coat. Minako-sensei followed me out of my room. "There's no way it's true," I said, pulling it on.

"Who knows? It'd be some miracle if it were," she said.

I opened the door and was instantly tackled by Vicchan.

Wait… Vicchan?

I took a closer look at the dog. He was much bigger than Vicchan. The only other person I knew with a dog like this was Viktor.

"Isn't he the spitting image of Vicchan, Yuri?" Dad said, petting the dog. "He came in today with a foreigner."

…what?

I immediately ran into the baths, ignoring Minako-sensei screaming at me for running. It can't be! There's no way! No freaking way! I wiped my fogged up glasses and burst through the door that led to the open bath. I found the famous silver-haired skater relaxing there alone.

"V-V-Viktor!" I stuttered.

"Yuri!" He stood up smiling in all his naked glory and open his arms as if welcoming me to my own house. "I'm going to be your new coach!"

All I could do was gape at him.

I can't believe this.


End file.
